| View: | User Info. |
| View: | Friends. |
| View: | Calendar. |
| View: | Memories. |
| You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries. | |
|
|
InsaneJournal for stevie_andy.
|
||||||||||
| Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 |
|
||||||
|
So, as of yesterday, I've decided to call the end of my alias. I'm just gonna wrap up my other internet self and without a bye. The words of Anthony on Saturday night (or early Sunday morning, however you look at it), stung. So I'm not going to deal with that anymore. I realized that in 7th to begining of tenth grade, I didn't really have my own social circle until I found a website that I adored for five years. This month on 26th, I will have been there for five years and it's been a great trip. But it's time for me to move on, and I will be sad for awhile because there's too much baggage. I'm sure they will be trying to contact me, via my cell, mailing address, etc. That's how close we have gotten, that circle of friends. I'm sure I'll go back one day to see how they're doing and perhaps take the summer trips as I planned. That's going to be the most difficult, because I really want to go to the conventions where my friends are. So I don't really know, perhaps I can just go anyway and let them recognize me if they see me. Otherwise, I'll just go and have fun, and watch them from a distance. I'm not sure why I'm thinking like this, why I want to cut them all off. I guess it's like I said, too much baggage. Are all social circles like that? In the wandering years of my life, 7th to 10th grade, I had friends, but they weren't lasting ones. Lasted for perhaps a year or two, but that was it. I'm still friends with the ones in elementary as our friendship are pretty bonded. Of course, we haven't talked in years, or months as some of them may be. I guess it will be like that with the circle of friends I'm in now. But from this day forward, I will cease to be a part of that circle, I may still have some contact, but it will be minimal. A lot of my habits have been changed to so that I can talk to them often online, and its disrupted my sleep, my studies, and everything between. So, that's that. This thursday or later today, I will take care of my communities I have, as I have been lacking in that for almost a month now. |
||||||
|
|
| Monday, September 3rd, 2007 |
|
||||||
|
This feels like I'm on a drama show where everything got resolved in one day. So much has happened. For awhile, I thought my mom was getting a divorce because my step dad and mom had a big fight last monday. Then last friday, the kid's father that I was caring for, suddenly came home, thus leaving me unsure of whether or not I could work much longer as a live-in babysitter. Finally, I sent the letter to Anthony yesterday, saying that I want to break up. And that I might disappear if there's a bad reaction. Mom went to Tampa with Case (step dad) last night to resolve their differences. Then when I came home, mom said that the father of the kids is going back to Chicago tonight. Which implies that I'll be working for awhile yet. (and internetless). Lastly, I got a reply from Anthony, saying that he had expected it for awhile, ever since AnimeIowa was then he knew for certain. I'm not sure what gave that away... Then again, he's incredibly sharp about things. And he doesn't want me to disappear. Saying that he wants me to stick around because too many people from my other alias love me. ... I'm so incredibly selfish about wanting to disappear from so many people that love me. I honestly don't know what to do with this alias anymore. Do I stick with it? I think I will, though, I'll fess up about this alias to my friends and lock the older entries. Or maybe not, I'll have to read my older entries to see if it's not too harsh for my friends to read. Seriously... what do you guys think? I don't think I'll deal with LJ anymore and just have a friend on LJ create a feed for this IJ so my friends can continue reading my entries.... |
||||||
|
|
| Thursday, August 16th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
So far, no internet at the house of where I'm caring for the kids. Don't know if I mentioned that I got a job as a live in babysitter. So, for those who are wondering in relation to the communities, you'll know why I haven't been managing the communities in terms of tags/memories management. Once I have more time to do that, I'll do it. If you happen to be a part of my community I started/mod and would like to help out, let me know. I have no idea when I can be online next time. Until then, see you. I had a lot of fun at comic con and anime iowa by the way. =) ta |
||||
|
|
| Thursday, August 9th, 2007 |
|
||||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. ( Chapter Seven ) |
||||||
|
|
| Monday, July 23rd, 2007 |
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. ( Chapter Six ) |
||||
|
|
| Saturday, July 21st, 2007 |
|
||
|
I really wish I could stop being a coward. This feels like seventh grade all over again. And I'm scared of the results, especially if they're the same as in seventh grade, which was when I started thinking suicide thoughts. 'Course, I haven't seriously contemplated my life since seventh grade as I got therapy. Still. I'm scared. |
||
|
|
|
||||
|
Here, is my first proclamation of what's happened in the book. None of my friends I want to talk to aren't around, online, or available via phone. It's become quite frustrating, since I had decided on the course of lying the fact that I ever got the book in the first place, to all my 'other' online friends, including Anthony. As you may have read previously, this issue has torn me a part, but in the end, I decided that I don't want to care. Even though, deep down, I did. But this was Harry Potter we're talking about! Screw priorities, I'll figure'em out later. Anyway, it took me sixteen and half hours to finish! With approximately 45 minutes break total, and that includes falling asleep accidentally. So, I really read the entire book in 15.25 hours. Below is filled with spoilers. Do not click, for your own safety, if you have not read it. ( And so, about thirty seconds after midnight, I got my book and began reading the first six pages... ) It was a fun ride, Harry, those seven years with you, were fun. It's time to say good bye. |
||||
|
|
| Friday, July 20th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
I'm filled with misery, not exactly depressed. Well, I suppose you could say that I am. I just don't want to do anything but read/watch manga/anime and get the HP book tonight. Then I talked to Anthony last night. Oh, it was a difficult conversation alright. And he's not wrong. I have my priorities messed up, and he said that he's only human, prone to getting frustrated and eventually not care anymore. I'm terrified. I don't know what to say anymore, how long will I keep this up? I'm only prolonging the eventual break up. And I guess he knows it too, but there's a chance that he thinks this relationship will pull through this rough spot. After all, diamonds shine after a lot of pressure and eventually being freed from the rock. I hate the way I think, that everything 'must be on hold while I'm going through this depression' which is not realistic at all. People change, some have shorter patience than others and Anthony seems to be reaching his end. I don't know how I'm going to act next Wednesday, when I finally go to San Diego to see him, as well as a friend from Virginia. I'm going to be there for a week and that really scares me. Should I keep my mask on? Should I be completely blanked? Be nasty to him (of course not)? Then there's another convention in August, that I'll see him again. I'm so lost. I'm praying less to God each day and I'm barely holding on with Him. But somehow, I still have faith that somehow, everything will be alright in the end. After all, a faith the size of a mustard seed will move mountains. I don't think I could ever completely and utterly leave God. I tried many times, but my faith is still there deep inside me. Even the weeks that I've forgotten him, when I remember, my faith is still there. I don't understand why, I don't get it, why? Please God, help me. I've been talking to you about this matter for the past two months now, what's the answer going to be on Wednesday? It's nervewhacking. But, for this reason, I will not be able to update my insane journal, for obvious reasons. I cannot let Anthony or my friend know that I have such a journal. Even on my own laptop. |
||||
|
|
| Tuesday, July 17th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
...am I so afraid? I'm afraid of talking to people. When did this happen? I now have a new job, as a live-in baby sitter. Granted, I never did actual baby sitting in the past, and suddenly being a live-in one... I should be moving in after I get back from San Diego. Where Anthony is. And I had a dream that I lost my pair of shoes and had to free dive to get them back, a seventy foot deep dive. Took me awhile to find my pair, there were a lot of other people's shoes at the bottom too. And my lungs weren't bursting for oxygen. It was like, I knew I could stay underwater for as long as I need to. A quick trip to the dreamoods.com site, the shoes basically means something about myself and the bit about losing my pair of shoes and finding them again, pretty much means I lost my identity and found it again. Maybe my determination to change my major and the new job was decided in my life. And so, a new beginning. And the choice to leave Anthony and most of my friends behind. I feel kind of resolute and... calm. But at the same time, I'm still afraid of talking to people. I tried sleeping but failed after 3 hours attempt to sleep. I'm having my wisdom teeth removed in about maybe 5 hours. All four of them. Yay. Also, I was given my mom's nano iPod as she wants a new (bigger) iPod. All because I discovered the wonderful use of this cord that plugs directly into my cochlear implant, so awesome. No one can hear the music (or otherwise heard from an iPod, tv, computer, etc). And sometimes I can't even hear them, only the sounds being played by the machine. I'm still figuring out how to do that because right now, I can hear the background noise (such as people talking). It's really weird, I keep thinking that people can hear the music but they can't. Yeah, I might've neglected to say that I'm deaf to you readers of my journal. ^^; But yeah, case in point, this cord rocks better than headphones. |
||||
|
|
| Sunday, July 15th, 2007 |
|
|||||||||
Ha.The Blogalyser reveals...Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 16.This suggests that your writing style is intellectual (to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20). Your blog has 4 sentences per entry, which suggests your general message is distinguished by clarity (writing for the web should be concise). CHARACTER MATRIX
Your text shows characteristics which are 87% male and 13% female (for more information see the Gender Genie). Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then your social circle and finally the world in general. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the past and lastly the future. Find out what your blogging style is like! |
|||||||||
|
|
| Wednesday, July 11th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. ( Chapter Five ) |
||||
|
|
| Saturday, July 7th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. ( Chapter Four ) |
||||
|
|
| Wednesday, July 4th, 2007 |
|
||||
|
I can't think of anyone else but the readers of this journal and God himself, to share this with. For about a month now that I've joined here, I've been debating whether or not to really break up with Anthony. For the past two weeks, I've done nothing but avoiding my friends, which also includes Anthony. The past week I had vanished with another reason: that I don't want to talk to my online friends and Anthony. And I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do, in three weeks, I'm flying to San Diego to see Anthony as well as another online friend. (I'm from FL by the way) I'm going to Comic Con btw. Then in August, (after returning to FL for a week) I'm flying to AnimeIowa to see a great majority of my online friends. How do I... I wish I could just cancel all my plans and never speak to any of them again. But that isn't right at all, they didn't do anything to me. I don't know what's going on with me, I just don't want to deal with them anymore. I love them dearly but I'm also sick of them. These are my treacherous thoughts. I'm trying to make sense of it, trying to reason with it, why I'm thinking why I don't want my friends anymore. They will be devestated when the day I disappear for good with a goodbye. There is a contest on the website where I met my friends, and it just so happens that the theme of the writing contest is "Good Bye Forever." It couldn't be any more perfect, don't you think? I'm trying to write a story where it's half about me and half about the characters. If that made any sense. Kind of a story/apology in a way. I wish these traitorous thoughts would stop. I don't want to stop talking to my friends, some of them which I have known for almost five years now and the newest person just over a year as well. I guess I'm getting fed up with online friends and trying to get actual friends. Maybe that's it, I don't know. You guys, apart from God, only knows about this. I can't even confide in my best friends of twelve years. Heck, I'm even thinking about cutting ties with her. I just hope this... weird... thing ends soon. Because it's ripping me inside out. I don't want to end the wonderful friendships and at the same time, I wholeheartedly do. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
1. Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song or Album: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: 9. Do we know each other outside of IJ? 10. What's your philosophy on life? 11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty? 12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 13. What is your favorite memory of us? 14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure? 15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: 16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they : 17. Can we get together and make a cake? 18. Which country is your spiritual home? 19. What is your big weakness? 20. Do you think I'm a good person? 21. What was your best/favorite subject at school: 22. Describe your accent: 23. If you could change anything about me, would you? 24. What do you wear to sleep? 25. Trousers or skirts? 26. Cigarettes or alcohol? 27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you? |
||||
|
|
| Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007 |
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. Chapter one Chapter two ( Chapter Three ) |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Wow, I had left pratically without word from the 'net for awhile. Truth is, I was busy reading manga (TONS of it), helping my stepmom moving her office stuff into her new office to start her new pratice (she's a doctor) and going to Orlando over the weekend. It was very exhausting, let me tell you that! Just recently (like five or ten minutes ago), I finished reading Hana Kimi series, to the end. I felt that the ending was way too rushed. :\ So there's fanfiction ideas rumbling in my mind right now. I should also say that I was not pleased with Hot Gimmick's ending either. The ending was so... ugh. Pisses me off. How could SHE choose HIM? -fumes- I am also in the middle of reading W Juliet. I got four volumes to go before reading the second series. I love gender bender manga series for some reason, as you can probably tell by all the rambling about W Juliet, Hana Kimi and Girl Got Game. If you know another gender bender manga series like the three above, I'd love to know some suggestions! Well, let me catch up on updating my fanfiction, Learn To Trust (Girl Got Game) and the 30 somethings stuff. XD Currently reading: Elfen Lied |
||||
|
|
| Wednesday, June 27th, 2007 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
For Kyo Aizawa from Girl Got Game: ANGSTS:
For Chiharu Eniwa from Girl Got Game: GENERAL:
This is gonna be fun~ |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Noncon and some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. Chapter one ( Chapter Two ) |
||||
|
|
| Tuesday, June 26th, 2007 |
|
||
snatched from ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} ingridYour Score: Almost Perfect- INFP40% Extraversion, 80% Intuition, 26% Thinking, 40% Judging
I find that incredibly amusing. |
||
|
|
|
||||
|
Title: Learn to Trust Fandom: Girl Got Game Rating: R Warning: Noncon and some language Summary: What if Chiharu Eniwa woke up a bit later than it happened and Kyo Aizawa had different reaction? Would their new relationship together last through the ordeal? Disclaimer: None of the parts of story belong to me, only to the creator and company of the manga, Girl Got Game. Not of this is made for profit but for entertainment use only. Note: This chapter has noncon. After this chapter, the rating would be a PG-13 or less. Also, this story takes place just as the last volume of ten's bonus story ends, so read at your own risk if you have not read all ten volumes. ( Chapter One ) |
||||
|
|
|
|
InsaneJournal for stevie_andy.
|
||||||||||
calm.
tired.
